For years, I have seen students grow up in the church that just didn’t seem to “get it.” Year after year I watched as high school seniors went to college, seemingly never to return to church. Instinctively I realized that we just weren’t graduating students with enough of a sustainable faith to get them into adulthood as mature people of faith. Several years ago I met a student for coffee. He informed me that he needed to talk while he was home from college. After the obligatory discussions of classes and social activities, he got to the heart of why we were there. He blurted out, “I just want you to know that I don’t believe a lot of that Christian stuff anymore.” I asked him to detail exactly what it was he “no longer believed.” I listened carefully and quietly. The list was too long to list here.
After a few minutes, he was finally done. I looked at him and replied, “Maybe I should leave the church with you. I don’t believe any of those things either.”
We went point-by-point through his list again, me explaining why I didn’t subscribe to his list of “things all Christians have to believe.” We talked about the fact that although some Christians may believe the things he had listed, these ideas were not the only way to understand faith. After a few moments of awkward silence, he looked at me and said, “Why didn’t you tell me this stuff? You could have saved me a lot of trouble!”
The question stuck with me through the years especially as I’ve traveled to various churches, youth ministries, and workshops to talk about the National Study of Youth and Religion and other research that indicates the Church as a whole has a ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ problem. Alongside other student workers, we wrestle with and talk through how we can all better facilitate sustainable faith among the teenagers that we work with each day.
These three things that seem to come up every time:
1) We can’t be afraid of theology.
Somewhere, way back when, someone convinced us that students have no interest in theology. In some sense that may be true. I don’t ever remember a student beating down my door to get another Bruggeman text. However, I remember many students who have called my cell phone late at night with deep, life-changing theological questions. I have decided that if we are to be a part of facilitating sustainable faith among our teenagers, we must get comfortable with being theologians for our students. We live in a world rampant with shallow and outright bad “Hallmark Channel” theology. Our students need us to hold their hands and guide them through the deep waters of thoughtful theology. Their faith depends on it!
2) We need to paint in gray sometimes.
Too many churches try to teach their students that theology is black and white. “The Bible clearly says…” “It’s obvious God would never…” You know the phrases—we’ve all heard them. The world our students live in is becoming progressively grayer. A simplistic “black and white” faith just doesn’t cut it any more. Our students need to hear from us that a life of faith can be messy, confusing, and downright frustrating. It isn’t simple and clear-cut. Yet, discovering God at work in gray places is a beautiful thing. We just need to tell students to expect to find God there.
3) We need to be content playing third string.
The finding from the National Study of Youth and Religion that least surprised most youth pastors was that the number one most influential source for long-term faith was parents—not our church programs. We are third-string quarterbacks. What is the role of the third-string quarterback? To cheer, to encourage, to do anything necessary to make sure the team is successful. When we decide to quit investing in parents and instead usurp their roles, we are no longer playing for the team. Imagine how much more sustainable the faith of students would be if we cheered for, encouraged, and invested in those who have the most influence on teenagers’ faith today.
We must ask ourselves why aren’t we telling them? Why aren’t we teaching theology? Why aren’t we painting in gray? Why aren’t we empowering parents to invest in their children’s spiritual lives? Don’t wait until they are sitting across from you caffeinated and distraught. Tell them today.
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Rev. Dale Tadlock is a 25-year youth ministry veteran and is currently the Coordinator of Passport Media at Passport, Inc. He assumed his role at Passport after having served previously at First Baptist Church, Waynesboro, Virginia. Dale has written on youth ministry issues for Youthworker Journal and The Journal of Student Ministries and published youth curriculum with Passport Media and the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship.